Being on the same page as your partner on everything sometimes gets tough. There are times when you can’t agree 100 percent. In relationships, many believe that we need to have similar opinions, ideas, political affiliations, and even religions to get along with the people we care about. Sometimes we get upset when people disagree with us, and we keep on believing that we are right while others are wrong.
We try to get people, mostly our partners, to see and understand our point of view when they don’t and wonder if our relationships are worth maintaining. It is human nature to want to belong and hang out with like-minded people. It makes us feel uneasy about being around people who think differently from us.
Do you think a different perspective plays a crucial role in the relationship between man and woman? Well, it does. I am saying this because it may be disastrous if the partners don’t keep their perspectives in the relationship.
Differentiation of Self
I often wonder what gets in the way of people being their selves when they are together. Do you know what causes us to feel natural possessiveness over other people’s beliefs, opinions, and perspectives? Sometimes we ponder how we can learn to respect each other even if we don’t always agree. Just considering won’t help.
The idea of differentiation of self refers to the ability to separate our feelings from thoughts. People often fail to understand this concept, especially in a relationship. People with self-differentiation can manage their relationships much better than others. The reason is that they are capable of understanding their emotions in a better and more effective way.
Being there for each other
The differentiation of self can be supported by the idea that you must be ‘there’ for each other when you are in a relationship instead of being ‘for’ each other. If you are there for each other, it becomes a bit tough to see yourself as an individual, and this type of relationship fusion breeds more anger and reactivity when a disagreement happens.
I support openness for one other to let people be themselves in a relationship. This is how you can find a comfortable space in a relationship to let each other grow and develop a sense of self.
It becomes easy to feel worked up when your partner has a different perspective than you. Under these circumstances, it is common to get offended and lash out with accusations and name-calling, which is terrible. The only way is not to take anything personally and agree with the different opinions. This is when you realize that it is OK to think differently from the ones you love.
Are you listening?
Even if you are there for each other, are you listening to your partner or just pretending that you are? It is natural for your partner to share their beliefs, thoughts, or feelings. But there may be times when you don’t even listen to them. If you feel the same, it is high time you change your attitude. It will help you understand your partner’s subjective reality.
One of the steps I count for this practice is effective listening and communication, which means paying attention to every word your partner speaks. Even though you and your partner may speak the same language, there may be cases in which you may not share the same perspectives. There could be many circumstances where you both have your private interpretations and meanings associated with different phrases and words. This could result from growing up in different environments and with varying life experiences.
Ask questions
You don’t need to always agree to your partner’s feelings and beliefs. Rather than seeing your partner’s different opinions as a way of indulging in arguments, try to consider the situation as an opportunity to learn more about them. Ask yourself these three questions:
- Your reason behind carrying the belief
- Is there something you have already experienced in the past that has led you to this belief?
- What are you seeing that your partner is not?
- How to use this opportunity to know each other better?
An energy shift can happen when you become more receptive to your partner’s perceptions. Your partner will feel more understood, secure, and safe as you no longer challenge their feelings or beliefs.
An ‘E’ for Effort
Suppose you are trying and make efforts to understand your partner’s perspective. In that case, it means you are trying to bridge the gap between you and your partner as separate individuals with different views about the world. You will undoubtedly strengthen the connection and introduce a new dynamic of trust where your partner will feel accepted and understood no matter how far their beliefs and feelings deviate from your own.
I agree that we all tend to think that how we view the world differs from what others think. There is a complete possibility that our partners may disagree with the way we see the world, but different perspectives must not be taken negatively. You must not fail to understand each other and respect each one’s perspective.
Learning to recognize and appreciate your partner’s perspective may sometimes be challenging. Still, with practice, discipline, and emotional maturity, you can find new ways to understand your partner’s point of view.
